I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
