opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
