I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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