He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
