mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
