In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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