never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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