meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
