I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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