Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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