There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
