got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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