The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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