i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
