Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
