He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
