Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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