why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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