I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
