He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
