I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Randomize
