Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
