I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
