That's intense
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
