People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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