omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
