Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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