Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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