HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
