I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
