I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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