So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Drunk is a universal language darling
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
