Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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