If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
