So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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