Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Randomize
