that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
