Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
