White coat. Heels.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
