I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
