I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
