Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Just took my morning after pill in the library
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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