Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
