i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
false alarm, still single
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