in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
