I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
