Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
