I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
