theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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