My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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