If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
