One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
