I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
