at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
