I wish I could punch you in the face.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
