either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
